|35 years old|
Have I changed? Yes, of course, I have gotten older and hopefully wiser. What have I changed, my hair? A bit, it is still long and dark (thanks to the miracle of chemicals my secret is safe.) My weight? Yes, it has gone up, down, up and now going down to stay at an ideal weight for me. My eye color for some reason has gone from brown to hazel. A ring of green surrounding a circle of brown.
Other than physical features, what has really changed about me? Between the age of 35 and now I have received two BA degrees; Philosophy and Art (plus the many, many hours towards a computer science/technician degree), and now I am working on getting my graduate degree in elementary education (MAT K-6) at the same college I earned my BAs. The question is, do I feel smarter? Yes, compared to what I was and now there is a big difference. I read more and deeper. I write a lot more and deeper than before. When there is someone whom I can have deep conversations with I take advantage of that opportunity. There is a down side to being an educated individual. I have only been able to find a few good friends who can indulge in a great conversation with me without getting angry. Most of the time I am carrying on that conversation in my head. A bit one sided when the conversation is going on within. There are many times when I feel stupid and insecure. I do or say something that is taken the wrong way, and then I have a hard time getting out of the situation. I am only human and subject to many flaws (I apologize if I have ever offended you.)
This brings me to my spiritual growth. How has my relationship with God changed? A lot! I am now a very proud member of the Baha'i Faith, and feel closer to God than I have ever felt in the past. Before I was 26 there was no religion in my life, but I believed in God and His son. Then I became a Mormon (LDS) and was content with it, but did not ever feel connected as a member. I believe that God is everywhere and not just in a building. He is in every thing and everyone. When I am in nature; a park, forest, desert, etc., is where I feel closest to God. I see His beauty all around me. I cannot and do not believe that He can only hear me when I am in a church. He hears me when I call His name, and I listen with an open heart and soul for His reply.
|December 30, 2012|
Do not get me wrong. I love being a mom and nana. It is the highest calling, and I am proud of the people I have brought into this world. They are all unique and beautiful young people. I would never change this part of my life. Do things better? Yes, there are times that I wish I could have a "do over" and do things better the second time. I did/do the best that I knew/know how to do. I can only try to do better as I move forward. This is all any of us can do. Start today to do and be the best that we can. Go forward and try not to get stuck in our past. It is not good for us. It can ruin our health, and that makes our lives miserable. I know this from my own experience. The happier I am, the healthier I feel. Looking back on the bad only makes me upset, and that does not help my health. My eyes are forward.
What will be in my future? Not sure, but I am moving forward one step at a time. I pray that y'all will be able to do the same. Here is to a Happy New Year and many more to come!